Posted by: thaufler | July 31, 2010

In Memory…

To answer God’s call to adopt was a decision our family made, but the body of Christ walked us through these past two years.  You have encouraged us, prayed for us, cried with us and kept us going forward.

I believe that we all have a call and we are very discontent until we fulfill it. This was our call and we have no regrets besides the fact that Evan is no longer here with us. We had so much we wanted to give him, but now he has so much more.

We have a measure of peace in  knowing that this must have been God’s plan. We don’t understand and maybe never will this side of heaven. We will miss Evan greatly as he was everything we thought he would be.

Despite the fact that his natural parents were unable to care for him, leaving him to spend the first two years of his life in an orphanage, Evan was such a happy boy. He spent the last 2 and 1/2 years of his life in a foster home with a foster mother who loved him very much despite her situation of living in a small one room apartment taking  care of two children with special needs.

Evan was a beautiful boy, full of joy and promise. He was loving and very smart. I only regret that our family and this church body never had the chance to meet him. I am sure that you would have blessed him and he would have been a blessing to you as well.

I know that most of us have asked ‘why’ and we have asked that too. We can only hope and pray that many children will be helped as a result of Evan’s story. Medical record keeping and the care of orphan children needs to change, may Evan’s story be a catalyst for that change.

So we are not bitter or angry, but we take a lesson from our son Evan and try to be joyful in the midst of an unfortunate situation. If we truly believe in God’s sovereignty there is no need to place blame. Our job is to let God mold us in the midst of our pain and seek to bring him Glory in it.

I  cannot say thank you long enough or loud enough to everyone here today. I especially want to thank those who made this service come together and turn out so special. I am sorry that I can’t name names lest I forget someone.

I also want to thank Robin Sizemore, our adoption agency director and her husband James for traveling from North Carolina to be here today.  This journey has been hard on her as well. Robin was in Georgia with us during our first week there and we forged a great friendship during that time…..

And lastly I wanted to thank my husband……he is a wonderful father and he was so to Evan for those few short days. Evan was enamored by Tim and seemed to love him instantly. I think Tim’s unconditional love as an earthly father made Evan’s transition to his heavenly father a very natural one.

 I wanted to leave you with the words of a song I have been listening to a lot this week by Kathy Troccoli entitled ‘How would I know’…

If it wasn’t for the times that I was down
If it wasn’t for the times that I was bound
For all the times that I wondered
How I would ever make it through
All the times that I couldn’t see my way
And I had to turn to You

How would I know You could deliver
How would I know You could set free
If there had never been a battle

How would I know the victory
How would I know You could be faithful To meet all of my needs
Lord I appreciate the hard times
Otherwise how would I know

I remember all the times I had to cry
And at the time all I could do was wonder why
Why would a God so kind and loving
Allow me to go through all this pain
If I could see into the future
Then I would know the joy I’d gain.

Alicia Haufler

Indescribable highs coupled with unspeakable lows all within multiple 12 hour periods for days on end; days that felt like weeks but passed by in minutes. And come Monday a new normal begins for us…

Every moment spent with Evan was unforgettable, his joy was infectious and his expressions priceless. I’m quite sure both Alicia and I would trade a lifetime to hold him one more time and see his sweet demure smile, and marvel at his bright mind as he discovered his new world. A boy labeled “Severely mentally retarded” who could sing the Georgian National Anthem, and pick out a car he rode in once from hundreds on the street, and who’s fascination with anything that had buttons only ceased once he conquered every one effectively.

I’ll never forget his joy while riding in the car sitting in our lap; that’s right… in our lap; there are no car seats in Georgia. He would smile so big his eyes would begin to close and raise his little arms as if he were going to take off in flight and just about shoulder level he would stop and excitedly flap them while opening and closing his fists as if he were clutching the air. Then he would look around to see if we were having as much fun as he was… we were but not because of the movement of the car, he was the source of our joy.

A sweetness combined with fierce determination, and if genes could be transmitted by osmosis I would confidently avow in any court he was Alicia’s offspring. It’s impossible to tell just how many crossroads we came to in our journey to bring Evan home. Almost everyday was an uphill battle of will with swords drawn and shields firmly in place. Only occasional glances back to draw courage from the milestones we’d conquered (please understand when I say “we” I mean Alicia). Only I have the satisfaction of really knowing St Alicia, who first captured my affections when caring for a room full of children 21 years ago, and my affection for her has never ceased. Caring for and loving children is her calling and I know God will supply the next mission field.

I remember a letter I read penned by John Newton the writer of “Amazing Grace” a few years ago sent to a young man desiring to be in the ministry. He made this statement, “God purposely withholds His sovereign plans from us when necessary, knowing that if we knew the dark paths He designed that we travel for His glory, we would never begin the journey (paraphrased).”

How true this is for us… I wouldn’t trade anything for the few days we had with Evan, for the “metabolic” changes in our family, for the depth of joy we have in Christ today who never let go our hands as we walked the path he designed for us and carried us when we couldn’t walk. But if we knew the end we would’ve never started…

We do not know why these things happened this way, we have never endured such pain and loss, but we know… we know that God is good and this vividly painted portrait is not complete. The colors have only begun to meet the eyes of those who’ve been given the privilege to peer into the canvas, and we will patiently wait for the next stroke of His brush knowing whether its touch brings pain or joy it is for our good, a good we do not get to define, and His glory.

Tim Haufler

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Responses

  1. Alicia & Tim,

    Thank you for sharing your journey with the world, lives have and are being touched by your faith in God. I am so sorry for your tragic loss, but I am delighted to know you are finding comfort and strength in the Lord. Your precious Evan, seems like a delighful little boy and all of you are so blessed to have had the honor of knowing and experiencing each other’s love. I will continue to pray for you and your family.

    In His Love,
    Monica Campos

  2. It has truly been an honor to have been able to walk w/ & stand by you in prayers, faith, tears, & joy on this journey. We look forward to continuing that journey w/ you along the way. We love you so very much! We are always here for you for whatever else God brings your way~ In Love & Laughter~

  3. Tim & Alicia,
    I have come to know your story through my brother and sister-in-law Chuck and Kim Lee and have been following your blog about Evan for some time now. I wanted to say how much your story has touched my heart and how sorry I am for your loss. I pray that each day will bring you and your family strength and peace. May His loving arms enfold you and comfort you in times of pain and sorrow. And please know that even though you weren’t able to bring Evan home the way you had hoped, he has touched us all nonetheless.
    Much love and prayers,
    Leslie Lee


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